i'm an idiot.
yeah, hello, by the way. i've been gone for a little while due to some unforeseen computer failures and my habit of storing administrative stuff on my own machine rather than some random server on the internet.
well... i'm back... and i'm an idiot. right now, i feel like one.
i worry too much. i think too much. still. i wonder too much. i doubt too much. and now it's not melancholy, the nice, cozy and comfortable feeling that sadness and strangeness is just around the corner, it's dread, anguish and panic, yes, panic. that things might change (except–why should they?), that things might go wrong, that something unforeseen happens and wipes things away, wipes things out, something inexplicably minor and feeble.
butterfly effect.
and exactly that's what got me thinking in the first place. a tiny pebble gently brushing a larger pebble which, slowly, starts rolling down the hill. unstoppable.
i can't change who i am and i've always been the one who worries. it's just the outside that most people get to see.
charon

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