the top of the morning
[mar 25 2007, 00:10]
dearest log,
this world is too strange for me, too foreign, too quick. once i've got something figured out, it sneaks up at me from behind, slaps me in the back of the head and points me to an aspect i haven't figured out at all.
it's strange when you can feel certain phases begin or end. it's strange because it's usually a retrospective kind of thing where you notice that something's changed long after the change has actually taken place.
cold, clear nights bring clarity. one phase, one that has been incredibly enriching and helpful to me is currently paused. it's not over, it doesn't need to be over, but it's not as it used to be.
and no, this is not about a girl, the girl.
i'm shallow. today i was. yesterday, i wasn't. yesterday, i opened. i revealed. i was.
i recently wrote somewhere that i felt like we've all been wearing those masks for so long that sometimes we can't actually tell who or what was beneath them to begin with. and once you remove the masks, take away the covers of protection, you might find that there isn't anything left.
that's how i felt and i still think i'm right about that.
but i also wrote that in my case, all it would take was a little patience, a little time and a lot of comfort, more comfort than i've felt during the last decade.
and no, i don't think it's good or wise or indeed funny that we can talk about anything except for us. i don't think it's particularly helpful either. but goddamnit, this is not my call or at least it shouldn't be.
i was the one who started all this, i was the one who brought it up, brought it to her attention and i was the one who gave myself an enormous shoeing for it. i was the one with the questions and i still am because most of them aren't even close to being answered yet. i'm not the one to speak my mind this time. now, i want to hear, not tell.
and then there was this movie and i had to nod over and over and over again and then it was gone with the press of a button and a bloody due phone call!
and i still sat and nodded and couldn't think of anything else.
you make me feel good. you get me. you give me peace, comfort, tranquility. you're the rock in a world of avalanches. you are the single snowflake in the morning that comes with the promise of a better day. sunshine, rain, thunderstorms, when i'm with you, i know i can face them all.
that's what i'm thinking every second when i'm with her and every second that i'm not with her. and it's so freaking hard not being able to let her know.
dearest log,
i'm stuck. again. still.
charon
this world is too strange for me, too foreign, too quick. once i've got something figured out, it sneaks up at me from behind, slaps me in the back of the head and points me to an aspect i haven't figured out at all.
it's strange when you can feel certain phases begin or end. it's strange because it's usually a retrospective kind of thing where you notice that something's changed long after the change has actually taken place.
cold, clear nights bring clarity. one phase, one that has been incredibly enriching and helpful to me is currently paused. it's not over, it doesn't need to be over, but it's not as it used to be.
and no, this is not about a girl, the girl.
i'm shallow. today i was. yesterday, i wasn't. yesterday, i opened. i revealed. i was.
i recently wrote somewhere that i felt like we've all been wearing those masks for so long that sometimes we can't actually tell who or what was beneath them to begin with. and once you remove the masks, take away the covers of protection, you might find that there isn't anything left.
that's how i felt and i still think i'm right about that.
but i also wrote that in my case, all it would take was a little patience, a little time and a lot of comfort, more comfort than i've felt during the last decade.
and no, i don't think it's good or wise or indeed funny that we can talk about anything except for us. i don't think it's particularly helpful either. but goddamnit, this is not my call or at least it shouldn't be.
i was the one who started all this, i was the one who brought it up, brought it to her attention and i was the one who gave myself an enormous shoeing for it. i was the one with the questions and i still am because most of them aren't even close to being answered yet. i'm not the one to speak my mind this time. now, i want to hear, not tell.
and then there was this movie and i had to nod over and over and over again and then it was gone with the press of a button and a bloody due phone call!
and i still sat and nodded and couldn't think of anything else.
you make me feel good. you get me. you give me peace, comfort, tranquility. you're the rock in a world of avalanches. you are the single snowflake in the morning that comes with the promise of a better day. sunshine, rain, thunderstorms, when i'm with you, i know i can face them all.
that's what i'm thinking every second when i'm with her and every second that i'm not with her. and it's so freaking hard not being able to let her know.
dearest log,
i'm stuck. again. still.
charon