life's some kind of dog
[feb 19 2006, 20:16]
what can you say about a week that's been worse than the entire year up until now? what can you say about a week that was so filled with mondays that it's probably enough for the rest of the year. what can you say...
the actual monday was not that horrible. it was weird and uncomfortable and it was good when it ended but it had something good in it, something to get you back to the ground.
then tuesday, the second monday came and wiped every last bit of goodness away like a sandstorm in the desert swirling up a hell of a load of things as it passed by. it started off horribly, went on full of torture and ended in agony.
wednesday, monday no. 3, was still filled with the echo of the previous days - it was somehow nothingness made into a day.
thursday was probably only half a monday... although there was far too much seriousness, far too much time spent waiting for weird things and far too much bus time to think.
friday was another monday of a very special kind. it still resonated from tuesday's monday and the entire week somehow came tumbling down in a storm of rain...
and then this week was over. and the weird, hope-diminishing thing wasn't that there actually was such a week. i know perfectly well that weeks like this happen and that they are bound to happen every once in a while. it also wasn't that i felt rather unable to deal with it (and the way i did deal with it probably made everything a hundred times worse) because i generally feel quite unable to deal with a lot of things out there in the real world.
it was that music didn't help. i tried everything, from the mind-boggling deepness of kettcar to the uplifting speeds of flogging molly, from the ponderous depths of sigur ròs to the wonderful solitude of danny elfman soundtracks... nothing seemed to change anything. i put all the music on my hard disk into a playlist, switched on shuffle and played it - but it didn't change a bit.
now this week's aftermath is slowly diminishing. friday evening was good with some gaming and some simpsons and some good friends, saturday was good with role playing that finally continued after half a year and today was good with some more role playing and good friends of which i hadn't seen some in a while.
but it's still there. every note that i hear or play - it still knocks on the little scratches in the wall.
speaking of walls: it was down. on tuesday, it was all the way down and the beast roared and spit fire and it devoured the land and the people. then it growled and went back into the cave to leave a scorched countryside and homeless thoughts. and although the thoughts are still rebuilding the wall, brick by brick, it is never going to be the way it was before. perhaps it will be better, perhaps there will be a door this time to get to the beast if the thoughts and foreigners would like to talk to it - but it's going to be different when it's done.
and then i saw just a few minutes ago a silly documentary about some silly police people driving around town and doing silly things. they also drove into a forest to check on someone who had decided that he didn't want to live within society any longer and was now spending his time in a tent beneath a blanket with this and that, all given to him by friendly people around the neighborhood.
and the thing that really impressed me was the reason for him staying there. besides the usual paranoia concerning the state and lots of surveillance, he lives there because he thinks that people don't need much to be happy.
and i thought about green fields and (optionally) sheep again. and i dreamt... and the beast snored...
charon
the actual monday was not that horrible. it was weird and uncomfortable and it was good when it ended but it had something good in it, something to get you back to the ground.
then tuesday, the second monday came and wiped every last bit of goodness away like a sandstorm in the desert swirling up a hell of a load of things as it passed by. it started off horribly, went on full of torture and ended in agony.
wednesday, monday no. 3, was still filled with the echo of the previous days - it was somehow nothingness made into a day.
thursday was probably only half a monday... although there was far too much seriousness, far too much time spent waiting for weird things and far too much bus time to think.
friday was another monday of a very special kind. it still resonated from tuesday's monday and the entire week somehow came tumbling down in a storm of rain...
and then this week was over. and the weird, hope-diminishing thing wasn't that there actually was such a week. i know perfectly well that weeks like this happen and that they are bound to happen every once in a while. it also wasn't that i felt rather unable to deal with it (and the way i did deal with it probably made everything a hundred times worse) because i generally feel quite unable to deal with a lot of things out there in the real world.
it was that music didn't help. i tried everything, from the mind-boggling deepness of kettcar to the uplifting speeds of flogging molly, from the ponderous depths of sigur ròs to the wonderful solitude of danny elfman soundtracks... nothing seemed to change anything. i put all the music on my hard disk into a playlist, switched on shuffle and played it - but it didn't change a bit.
now this week's aftermath is slowly diminishing. friday evening was good with some gaming and some simpsons and some good friends, saturday was good with role playing that finally continued after half a year and today was good with some more role playing and good friends of which i hadn't seen some in a while.
but it's still there. every note that i hear or play - it still knocks on the little scratches in the wall.
speaking of walls: it was down. on tuesday, it was all the way down and the beast roared and spit fire and it devoured the land and the people. then it growled and went back into the cave to leave a scorched countryside and homeless thoughts. and although the thoughts are still rebuilding the wall, brick by brick, it is never going to be the way it was before. perhaps it will be better, perhaps there will be a door this time to get to the beast if the thoughts and foreigners would like to talk to it - but it's going to be different when it's done.
and then i saw just a few minutes ago a silly documentary about some silly police people driving around town and doing silly things. they also drove into a forest to check on someone who had decided that he didn't want to live within society any longer and was now spending his time in a tent beneath a blanket with this and that, all given to him by friendly people around the neighborhood.
and the thing that really impressed me was the reason for him staying there. besides the usual paranoia concerning the state and lots of surveillance, he lives there because he thinks that people don't need much to be happy.
and i thought about green fields and (optionally) sheep again. and i dreamt... and the beast snored...
charon