the simple things
[may 31 2004, 00:07]
it's over. it had taken up 100% of my days and about as much of my nights and... now it's just over. it has passed, has been done, has been finished, concluded, brought to an end. suddenly...
it happens every time i work on something. everything has to end somewhen and when my projects end, i feel so incredibly useless, so incredibly hollow and empty. i have devoted so much time to something that just isn't important anymore now.
it's much worse now than usually. i have never been into something like i've been into this play. i heard people saying that i didn't play the role but that i lived the role. i think that sounds incredibly corny, incredibly 'what-your-acting-teacher-would-tell-you'-like, incredibly exaggerated... but it's the way it worked for me - to some extent.
in all the other roles i've played, i learned my text and that was about it. there was nothing more to understand, nothing more to transport. there was cléante, my first role. and to be honest: he was boring as hell. and it was good that way, because, at first, i had to sniff into all that acting-business to decide whether it was any good. then came henry in the 'skin of our teeth'. that was a lot more. he wasn't the nice guy, he was the absolute, the personified evil. but, well, that was it, too. he had gone through a lot although we never really find out what that was ('yeah, i've been to war and i've killed some people only to make my dad pay for... something'). then followed demetrius (=cléante) and vigor (=henry) and... well, then came an incredibly desaster but then...
then came möbius. he was different. not only because he was huge, gigantic in comparison to his predecessors but... because there was something that kept him going.
that was the key to my möbius. mine was different to the other ones i've seen in a lot of ways but... at times i thought that this wasn't möbius up there. it was basically someone quite like me, who, with some more understanding of physics (a lot more, in fact) and some greater rhetoric abilities, acted and reacted just like i would have. there was a lot of my personality that got into möbius and there were some parts of möbius that flowed back into myself and that sit now, that everything is over, somewhere in the back of my head, wondering what to do and wondering, where salomo has been recently...
this play was perfection in its purest form. not because the performances were flawless (they weren't), not because everything around worked without any trouble (it didn't). just because.
and the higher you get, the deeper you fall...
a little inconsistent today, i know, but there are just things that have to be said [and read?].
done for today.
charon
it happens every time i work on something. everything has to end somewhen and when my projects end, i feel so incredibly useless, so incredibly hollow and empty. i have devoted so much time to something that just isn't important anymore now.
[just something i have to add in case i might forget it later on: if you have to go to the toilet every other minute, you get a lot of time to read. i started a new pratchett ('the wee free men') and directly fell in love with it. the irish'ness of the characters, the landscape, the mentality... the little ideas (give the shepherds a piece of wool when they die so that the gods, when they see them, know that they were shepherds and didn't have too much time for religion), the language ("she said she wants yon cat to stop scraffin' the puir wee burdies" - "is that a'? nae problemo!"... it's somehow like coming home after a long journey...]
it's much worse now than usually. i have never been into something like i've been into this play. i heard people saying that i didn't play the role but that i lived the role. i think that sounds incredibly corny, incredibly 'what-your-acting-teacher-would-tell-you'-like, incredibly exaggerated... but it's the way it worked for me - to some extent.
in all the other roles i've played, i learned my text and that was about it. there was nothing more to understand, nothing more to transport. there was cléante, my first role. and to be honest: he was boring as hell. and it was good that way, because, at first, i had to sniff into all that acting-business to decide whether it was any good. then came henry in the 'skin of our teeth'. that was a lot more. he wasn't the nice guy, he was the absolute, the personified evil. but, well, that was it, too. he had gone through a lot although we never really find out what that was ('yeah, i've been to war and i've killed some people only to make my dad pay for... something'). then followed demetrius (=cléante) and vigor (=henry) and... well, then came an incredibly desaster but then...
then came möbius. he was different. not only because he was huge, gigantic in comparison to his predecessors but... because there was something that kept him going.
that was the key to my möbius. mine was different to the other ones i've seen in a lot of ways but... at times i thought that this wasn't möbius up there. it was basically someone quite like me, who, with some more understanding of physics (a lot more, in fact) and some greater rhetoric abilities, acted and reacted just like i would have. there was a lot of my personality that got into möbius and there were some parts of möbius that flowed back into myself and that sit now, that everything is over, somewhere in the back of my head, wondering what to do and wondering, where salomo has been recently...
this play was perfection in its purest form. not because the performances were flawless (they weren't), not because everything around worked without any trouble (it didn't). just because.
and the higher you get, the deeper you fall...
a little inconsistent today, i know, but there are just things that have to be said [and read?].
done for today.
charon
lightglobes wash up all along the beach and you light me up with certainty,
well she calculates coincidence and circumstance and turbulence,
gotta see what it is and it's everything.
'cause baby can't see through, all this matter and make up and deja vu,
yeah we drift here alone with nothing to do,
until one of us makes the other one come true.
she wants to meet her fate, but travel by free will,
but she can't have both and you can't stand still.
i'd be the luckiest man in the universe if cause and effect doesn't get there first,
but she keeps looking for patterns and the world just happens.
she said these questions don't answer like other questions do,
so just let me be here with you.
well she calculates coincidence and circumstance and turbulence,
gotta see what it is and it's everything.
'cause baby can't see through, all this matter and make up and deja vu,
yeah we drift here alone with nothing to do,
until one of us makes the other one come true.
she wants to meet her fate, but travel by free will,
but she can't have both and you can't stand still.
i'd be the luckiest man in the universe if cause and effect doesn't get there first,
but she keeps looking for patterns and the world just happens.
she said these questions don't answer like other questions do,
so just let me be here with you.
something for kate - déjà vu