another night of song
[apr 22 2004, 23:23]
music is the one thing that keeps me going, the one thing that is capable of keeping me alive.
almost every day, when i wake up, i have a song in my mind. and for an hour or so i keep it in there, whistle it, sing it, hum it or just turn it over and around in my mind...
then there comes my way to work. more music, different music almost every day.
one step at a time, one step forward, and another one, and another one. until you're there. until you reached the place you wanted... no, you had to get to.
after some heavy thinking and some heavy working, i walk home again - with more music.
it's the center of my day, the frame that almost every day fits in.
but sometimes there just isn't enough music to fill my mind. sometimes people talk too loud, sometimes the noises of the day or the noises that my brain makes while thinking are just so fucking loud that i can't hear another thing.
here i am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded...
sometimes - to be honest, quite often - the world is folded and stacked and moved and shuffled around until it builds up a wall all around you and [no, not that song, next please, yeah, that's good] you somehow feel as if you had no chance of surviving in this small area that is left to you.
you either don't have enough air, enough room to breathe freely. or, you don't have enough water and food, food for thought and food for heart, water to cool your head that gets heated up by thinking and the sun.
sometimes it's good to have that kind of protection. the world becomes clear, transparent even. you can see everything, understand everything. but often, you just don't want to. you often sit inside your own little cage and think. and then, exactly then is the moment when there should be someone to put that hand upon your shoulder. to wake you up. to pull you out of that mood. and give you something that is so tiny, so infeasible, so little, yet so precious and valuable.
this someone should give you a smile.
come speak to me, easy, like hands on skin
and your heart starts spinning, your head joins it, the blood starts pumping and the hormones and endorphines and all the other stuff that makes your eyes become watery and your face to be bright... all that stuff starts to happen and you get up, out of your chair, leave your thoughts behind at this desk, leave your memories at this place and live. live for the moment, live for this splitsecond of happiness. let's go get lost, let's go get lost...
let's go, let's start and never come back. i believe that there can be a life without darkness. there can be a life without these dark clouds, where a summer breeze does not mean that a thunderstorm is coming, where the waves slowly caressing the shores don't announce the coming of a hurricane.
i don't mind shadows, i don't mind rain, i like the clouds and the darkness and the emptiness. i like the sorrows and the melancholy. but somewhen it's enough. somewhen you get to that point of no return, somewhen you're standing on the cliff looking down. somewhen you got that far...
there's something in the way you're always somewhere else.
but somehow...
but somewhere...
but someone... ... ...
i never understood before
i never knew what love was for
my heart was broke, my head was sore,
what a feeling
turn up in ancient history
i didn't believe in destiny
look up, you're standing next to me,
what a feeling
what a feeling in my soul
love burns brighter than sunshine
brighter than sunshine
let the rain fall, i don't care
i'm yours and certainly you're mine
certainly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine
push the clouds away. just for a day.
charon
almost every day, when i wake up, i have a song in my mind. and for an hour or so i keep it in there, whistle it, sing it, hum it or just turn it over and around in my mind...
then there comes my way to work. more music, different music almost every day.
one step at a time, one step forward, and another one, and another one. until you're there. until you reached the place you wanted... no, you had to get to.
after some heavy thinking and some heavy working, i walk home again - with more music.
it's the center of my day, the frame that almost every day fits in.
but sometimes there just isn't enough music to fill my mind. sometimes people talk too loud, sometimes the noises of the day or the noises that my brain makes while thinking are just so fucking loud that i can't hear another thing.
here i am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded...
sometimes - to be honest, quite often - the world is folded and stacked and moved and shuffled around until it builds up a wall all around you and [no, not that song, next please, yeah, that's good] you somehow feel as if you had no chance of surviving in this small area that is left to you.
you either don't have enough air, enough room to breathe freely. or, you don't have enough water and food, food for thought and food for heart, water to cool your head that gets heated up by thinking and the sun.
sometimes it's good to have that kind of protection. the world becomes clear, transparent even. you can see everything, understand everything. but often, you just don't want to. you often sit inside your own little cage and think. and then, exactly then is the moment when there should be someone to put that hand upon your shoulder. to wake you up. to pull you out of that mood. and give you something that is so tiny, so infeasible, so little, yet so precious and valuable.
this someone should give you a smile.
come speak to me, easy, like hands on skin
and your heart starts spinning, your head joins it, the blood starts pumping and the hormones and endorphines and all the other stuff that makes your eyes become watery and your face to be bright... all that stuff starts to happen and you get up, out of your chair, leave your thoughts behind at this desk, leave your memories at this place and live. live for the moment, live for this splitsecond of happiness. let's go get lost, let's go get lost...
let's go, let's start and never come back. i believe that there can be a life without darkness. there can be a life without these dark clouds, where a summer breeze does not mean that a thunderstorm is coming, where the waves slowly caressing the shores don't announce the coming of a hurricane.
i don't mind shadows, i don't mind rain, i like the clouds and the darkness and the emptiness. i like the sorrows and the melancholy. but somewhen it's enough. somewhen you get to that point of no return, somewhen you're standing on the cliff looking down. somewhen you got that far...
there's something in the way you're always somewhere else.
but somehow...
but somewhere...
but someone... ... ...
i never understood before
i never knew what love was for
my heart was broke, my head was sore,
what a feeling
turn up in ancient history
i didn't believe in destiny
look up, you're standing next to me,
what a feeling
what a feeling in my soul
love burns brighter than sunshine
brighter than sunshine
let the rain fall, i don't care
i'm yours and certainly you're mine
certainly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine
push the clouds away. just for a day.
charon