it's quiet around here. nobody near. the light of the little lamp softly lightens what needs lightening. the tiny candle makes the shadows dance. i like them, the shadows. they are always around when you need them. you just turn on the light and there they are. they are eternal. you cannot kill them. turn off the light and they are gone but when you turn it on again they are back. hardly changed at all.
it's quiet down here, in my little ca[v|g]e. you only hear the occasional clicking of the keyboard, an occasional sigh. and, of course, music. small music, tiny music, fragile, breakable music, music that might disappear when you listen too closely. good music.
it's quiet in here. out there too, at the moment. it's also dark out there, pitch dark. the world seems to end behind my windows. no lamp-lights, no cars, nothing. in its purest form.
inside, everybody is hiding something...

+++ interlude +++
when i first listened to the new dido-cd, i thought something like "well, you knew it wouldn't be as amazinly beautifully horrifyingly realistically good as her first album but you didn't expect it to be that bad!". of course, i knew white flag. who didn't! it's good, a really good song but upon first listening the rest of the album was - well, crap.
but now i think it's one of these cds that you have to get used to. it must be yourself changing because the music is unable to morph into anything that suits your personal taste better - but it still feels like it changes from day to day to please my needs more and more. really strange.
ordered placebo's sleeping with ghosts yesterday. we'll see...
+++ interlude +++
cut. break. back to normal. again. everyday-routine. lack of communication. lack of friendship. lack of love and life. lack of... oh man, didn't we have that before?
[no, skip that song on the playlist, standing still by jewel reminds me of too many things, ah, yes, superman by five for fighting is way better... thanks]
i'm just down to find the better part of me, i've found most of the bad parts until now. i'm sarcastic when i shouldn't be. i'm friendly when i shouldn't be. i'm stupid, selfish, way too romantic for this world, way too melodramatic. but i'd never admit it, would i?
up, up and away, away from me, where it's alright, you can all sleep sound tonight. i'm not crazy or anything... well, i know that now. not crazy or insane or different or autonomous. i'm just like the mass around me. what happens if everyone is swimming against the stream?
it's not easy to be me. i won't complain. there are many people who are far worse off than me. can't just the good stuff start to happen now?
[nada surf, inside of love... yes, i think i'll leave that.]
making out with people i hardly are alive. i can't believe what i do. nobody is alive these days. well, hardly anyone. many people died without noticing. not in a 6th sense-ish way. far more subtle, far less noticeable. they died and now only their skin is holding their life together.
i want to know what it's like on the inside of love. been there, done that, missed most, skipped some, forgot nothing. especially now.
i try again and again...
i suppose i'm getting out a key now. a very special key. it's on my main keyring although it's probably the least-used key around. still, one of the most important ones. it belongs to a little blue box. hardly noticeable, really hard to find when you're in my room. still really important - to me. if you'd open it, you'd find all sorts of stuff. pictures, letters, quotes, everything that takes me back to a certain time. back then when there was nothing crueler than being a child. back then when the world seemed - by education - a good place to be. back then...
going to be there again, if only for an hour.
everything is alright, i just had a bad night.

+++

thanks for listening/reading. all that had to be said. sometime.
charon

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