times
[sep 11 2003, 18:24]
i'm too young for this. i know that. i know that usually this phase usually occurs later in life but... it's happened now for me.
but this has been the case quite often in my life until now. many people get into the so-called midlife-crisis when they are, well, roughly around the middle of their life. they start feeling bad (and complaining) about virtually anything, they don't know what the hell they're still good for or whether they aren't needed at all, they wonder whether the job they did for the last years is really the right thing, they start to feel unfulfilled and desperate. concerning me, this phase started when i was about sixteen! during long chats someone else and i created the phrase quarter-life-crisis. it somehow fitted. and it still does.
back then, although there was really a lot of stuff that brought me down, i knew that this person was there, someone to talk to, someone who would understand. knowing that an e-mail was waiting for me to be read (or just a short icq-message concerning my poems) brought me through a lot of really weary days.
i haven't talked to that person for a couple of months now. strange.
when you hear old people (well, older people) talking about their past they say that everything was better. their childhood was better than today's children's, that the summer was warmer and the winter was colder, that leaves were falling off the tree and flowers sprouting at just the right time of the year, that people in general were a lot less rude to each other, that although they had nothing they had enough to be content with and so on.
we, the younger, laugh about all that - most of the time - because it just is so ridiculous. our selective memory blends away all the really bad memories (they are still there, just packed away in a locked drawer so nobody can accidentally access them) and good stuff remains.
i know it.
i know that i'm not even twenty years old.
changes are happening and can't be stopped, i know that, too.
i know it.
have you ever wished to be a simple character in a good old book? take the lord of the rings. take aragorn (a perfect example in more than one way). these people have got a past (whatever, we know they have one), a present (which is most interesting about them) and a future (which is basically already set). in stories like this heroes start at a certain point and end somewhere else. they may not move far in between but... however. you have a path, a way that you know after you read the book. you know what is going to happen.
and whatever you might think now, whether you consider living a predefined path is boring, lacks individuality, is not thrilling enough, makes you dependent... well, whatever you think may be right... but still...
all that mess reminds me of a really nice quote i somewhen read somewhere. it was something like...
yes... indeed...
yet, somehow i get the strange feeling that all this is just a fucking endless circle. i'm the little two-dimensional thing on the football looking for the end...
charon
song of the day: guano apes - pretty in scarlet
but this has been the case quite often in my life until now. many people get into the so-called midlife-crisis when they are, well, roughly around the middle of their life. they start feeling bad (and complaining) about virtually anything, they don't know what the hell they're still good for or whether they aren't needed at all, they wonder whether the job they did for the last years is really the right thing, they start to feel unfulfilled and desperate. concerning me, this phase started when i was about sixteen! during long chats someone else and i created the phrase quarter-life-crisis. it somehow fitted. and it still does.
back then, although there was really a lot of stuff that brought me down, i knew that this person was there, someone to talk to, someone who would understand. knowing that an e-mail was waiting for me to be read (or just a short icq-message concerning my poems) brought me through a lot of really weary days.
i haven't talked to that person for a couple of months now. strange.
when you hear old people (well, older people) talking about their past they say that everything was better. their childhood was better than today's children's, that the summer was warmer and the winter was colder, that leaves were falling off the tree and flowers sprouting at just the right time of the year, that people in general were a lot less rude to each other, that although they had nothing they had enough to be content with and so on.
we, the younger, laugh about all that - most of the time - because it just is so ridiculous. our selective memory blends away all the really bad memories (they are still there, just packed away in a locked drawer so nobody can accidentally access them) and good stuff remains.
i know it.
i know that i'm not even twenty years old.
changes are happening and can't be stopped, i know that, too.
i know it.
have you ever wished to be a simple character in a good old book? take the lord of the rings. take aragorn (a perfect example in more than one way). these people have got a past (whatever, we know they have one), a present (which is most interesting about them) and a future (which is basically already set). in stories like this heroes start at a certain point and end somewhere else. they may not move far in between but... however. you have a path, a way that you know after you read the book. you know what is going to happen.
and whatever you might think now, whether you consider living a predefined path is boring, lacks individuality, is not thrilling enough, makes you dependent... well, whatever you think may be right... but still...
all that mess reminds me of a really nice quote i somewhen read somewhere. it was something like...
basically, people are a lot less happy than you would think... and something like a grown-up human doesn't exist at all
.yes... indeed...
yet, somehow i get the strange feeling that all this is just a fucking endless circle. i'm the little two-dimensional thing on the football looking for the end...
charon
song of the day: guano apes - pretty in scarlet