it's a matter of sides
[sep 03 2003, 19:30]
i thought i was prepared. i tought i was rooted in a way that prevented me from losing my solid ground. i thought i knew what was to come. but obviously...
i'm in a really strange mood. not particularly happy, not particularly sad, nor anything that lies at a defined position between these two extremes. i'm...
i have been working for five days now. i have been carrying stuff around. i have been talking to people. i have been seeing people...
someone once told me that the only difference between doctors and patients at this institution was the posession of a key. now, i don't only believe that this is true, i definitely know it is.
i've got a key. i've got a key that unlocks most doors that exist in this area. but today i had the feeling that i should just hand in the key and switch sides. it would have seemed right... at least better than...
today, i went to deliver a pc to a doctor. i went to the building, i got in the elevator, i got out, i asked for the doctor's office and... there she was.
she was beautiful. her clothes looked a little ragged, her hair was a little untidy but still, she was beautiful.
male scanning mode kicked in and, well, she got a nice rating on the internal scale. a second later, one of the nurses came to her and told her that it was time for her medicine.
she was beautiful. not much older than me. perhaps a year or two, maybe five. she was in there and i was in there and far out there at the same time.
she didn't say anything. she didn't look at me. but i looked at her until she had entered her room and locked the door.
and suddenly i wasn't sure whether i was on the right side, whether i had the right to posess a key. i wasn't sure what made me different from her in such a way.
i didn't dare to ask anyone. i knew that even if anyone had been allowed to tell me, i possibly wouldn't have wanted to know.
just a few seconds later i took my key and unlocked the door to a doctor's room. i looked at the key and... i thought about throwing it away, leaving this building, this whole area and never come or even look back.
i didn't. but i'm still thinking.
charon, inside somehow
song of the day: five for fighting - jainy (again)
i'm in a really strange mood. not particularly happy, not particularly sad, nor anything that lies at a defined position between these two extremes. i'm...
i have been working for five days now. i have been carrying stuff around. i have been talking to people. i have been seeing people...
someone once told me that the only difference between doctors and patients at this institution was the posession of a key. now, i don't only believe that this is true, i definitely know it is.
i've got a key. i've got a key that unlocks most doors that exist in this area. but today i had the feeling that i should just hand in the key and switch sides. it would have seemed right... at least better than...
today, i went to deliver a pc to a doctor. i went to the building, i got in the elevator, i got out, i asked for the doctor's office and... there she was.
she was beautiful. her clothes looked a little ragged, her hair was a little untidy but still, she was beautiful.
male scanning mode kicked in and, well, she got a nice rating on the internal scale. a second later, one of the nurses came to her and told her that it was time for her medicine.
she was beautiful. not much older than me. perhaps a year or two, maybe five. she was in there and i was in there and far out there at the same time.
she didn't say anything. she didn't look at me. but i looked at her until she had entered her room and locked the door.
and suddenly i wasn't sure whether i was on the right side, whether i had the right to posess a key. i wasn't sure what made me different from her in such a way.
i didn't dare to ask anyone. i knew that even if anyone had been allowed to tell me, i possibly wouldn't have wanted to know.
just a few seconds later i took my key and unlocked the door to a doctor's room. i looked at the key and... i thought about throwing it away, leaving this building, this whole area and never come or even look back.
i didn't. but i'm still thinking.
charon, inside somehow
song of the day: five for fighting - jainy (again)