where did it go?
[dec 01 2002, 23:57]
i can't really understand it. this year seems to have skipped something. something important. at least for me.
in those usual questionnaires you are asked what your favorite time of the year is. most people just say "summer, hey, that's the thing with the beach and girls wearing hardly any clothes, right?" and feel happy about it. well, i prefer another season and i'm going to explain why.
there are two main reasons, a more practical, touchable one and one that sits directly inside my head.
no 1. - the practical explanation: you can stop feeling cold but it's incredibly hard to stop feeling warm. if you're cold, you can dress warmer. if you're warm, you can... well, dress colder? i suppose, even if you didn't wear any clothes at all, there are nights where you could rip your skin off your bones! *sigh*
no 2. - the real explanation: imagine the beach. it's summer, it's probably 30° celsius, the sun is blazing. you are lying on the sand besides the sea. you are not realizing what's around you at all, you are just thinking. or, well, not really thinking, rather dreaming about anything at all. your thoughts drift into different directions at the same time and... suddenly a little child runs over you, covers you with sand from head to toe, steps beside you and starts to laugh. great. amazing!
imagine, it's winter or autumn. the trees outside are losing or have already lost their leaves, only very few people are walking in the streets that slowly start to feel cosy again although the greyness starts to fill everything. think about the sun that goes down early covering the landscape, the people with that special kind of light, that kind of light that also seems to gleam in some people's and children's eyes, that kind of light that looks like captured starlight. think about the long walks in the park or in the forest in the cold that does not seem to bother you. no fake happiness, no continuous dishonesty. just purity of feelings, whatever they are like.
how do you feel? are you in love? then grab your partner and try that walk in the forest. you cannot feel cold if you wrap your arms around each other. are you lonely? are you sad and depressed? when the leaves are falling and the sky looks like snow would come every second, the world does not seem so cold anymore.
but how did i get the title for this post? well, in the last years (in all the years that i remember having felt anything), i enjoyed and treasured fall. it was the perfect time to... well, not to relax but to calm down, to sort everything out. it is the time before the new year is slowly starting to commence, the time before the old chapter of your personal book of life is closed and another one opened. it's the time when your sins and your good deeds are summarized and taken away. you can start from scratch. even if didn't intend to. it's like being reborn.
but what was it this year? have i been to busy to notice it? was there no real fall at all? did anyone walk around collecting all the leaves from the trees? did i miss something here? well, i must have. obviously. because now, in this moment that i found some time to get things sorted out, to think about things, fall has gone already.
my melancholic self has to concentrate on the wintertime. quite difficult with all those smiles of happy children expecting that huge man with the large bag of presents. quite easy with the lack of smiles on your friends' faces. even on that of the guy in the mirror in the morning. quite weird.
charon
song of the day: julie miller - i still cry
in those usual questionnaires you are asked what your favorite time of the year is. most people just say "summer, hey, that's the thing with the beach and girls wearing hardly any clothes, right?" and feel happy about it. well, i prefer another season and i'm going to explain why.
there are two main reasons, a more practical, touchable one and one that sits directly inside my head.
no 1. - the practical explanation: you can stop feeling cold but it's incredibly hard to stop feeling warm. if you're cold, you can dress warmer. if you're warm, you can... well, dress colder? i suppose, even if you didn't wear any clothes at all, there are nights where you could rip your skin off your bones! *sigh*
no 2. - the real explanation: imagine the beach. it's summer, it's probably 30° celsius, the sun is blazing. you are lying on the sand besides the sea. you are not realizing what's around you at all, you are just thinking. or, well, not really thinking, rather dreaming about anything at all. your thoughts drift into different directions at the same time and... suddenly a little child runs over you, covers you with sand from head to toe, steps beside you and starts to laugh. great. amazing!
imagine, it's winter or autumn. the trees outside are losing or have already lost their leaves, only very few people are walking in the streets that slowly start to feel cosy again although the greyness starts to fill everything. think about the sun that goes down early covering the landscape, the people with that special kind of light, that kind of light that also seems to gleam in some people's and children's eyes, that kind of light that looks like captured starlight. think about the long walks in the park or in the forest in the cold that does not seem to bother you. no fake happiness, no continuous dishonesty. just purity of feelings, whatever they are like.
how do you feel? are you in love? then grab your partner and try that walk in the forest. you cannot feel cold if you wrap your arms around each other. are you lonely? are you sad and depressed? when the leaves are falling and the sky looks like snow would come every second, the world does not seem so cold anymore.
i still cry sometimes when i remember you
i still cry sometimes when i hear your name
i said goodbye and i know you're all right now
but when the leaves start falling down
i still crybut how did i get the title for this post? well, in the last years (in all the years that i remember having felt anything), i enjoyed and treasured fall. it was the perfect time to... well, not to relax but to calm down, to sort everything out. it is the time before the new year is slowly starting to commence, the time before the old chapter of your personal book of life is closed and another one opened. it's the time when your sins and your good deeds are summarized and taken away. you can start from scratch. even if didn't intend to. it's like being reborn.
but what was it this year? have i been to busy to notice it? was there no real fall at all? did anyone walk around collecting all the leaves from the trees? did i miss something here? well, i must have. obviously. because now, in this moment that i found some time to get things sorted out, to think about things, fall has gone already.
my melancholic self has to concentrate on the wintertime. quite difficult with all those smiles of happy children expecting that huge man with the large bag of presents. quite easy with the lack of smiles on your friends' faces. even on that of the guy in the mirror in the morning. quite weird.
charon
song of the day: julie miller - i still cry