lack of everything... (V2)
[oct 03 2002, 01:17]
this is like a little deja-vu... yesterday evening at about midnight i was sitting here writing a long diary-entry about what i'm really missing at the moment... the problem is that it obvioulsy did not get updated and as i was too tired to type it again yesterday evening, i decided to rewrite it today, with some additions, of course.
this is one of these lack of-days. you know that your life is quite okay, that your fate (if something like fate exists at all) is not that bad, that you are not living in a country in which you have to be afraid all day long that someone might just kill or injure you, just like that. you live in a nice house, you don't starve too much and you don't want it to feel selfish or ignorant but you miss something. that's the way i feel at the moment.
there's a lack of communication. people obviously just stopped talking to each other. it's not like they stopped talking at all. people just go on chatting about everything and everyone without caring for the important things. nobody tells you the truth when you ask how your new haircut is looking. almost everyone is going to tell you that it looks perfect and fits amazingly to your personality (although behind your back they already began talking before you even attended the haircutter). nobody will really tell you about the crush he/she has always had on you. they will not even tell their best friends about it and just go on dreaming about you just like that. without any sense. i mean, suspense is a great thing but do we have to go that far? of course, the sitting there late at night waiting for the call is a part of it, an important and a nessecary part but... why does it have to go on forever? and it does not remain at the 'love'-thing. how many people have lost their best friends just because of an impossible sequence of impossibly stupid events that nobody dared to talk about?
there's a lack of emotion. people just stopped feeling anything for each other. it's not my present situation that makes me say that. it's not only love i'm talking about. it's also something like empathy. perhaps i'm going a little too far but i suppose that most people can realize when someone is sad, unhappy or deeply desperate but they just do not want to notice. they just don't want to care. they have enough trouble with their own problems and are unable to cope with yours, too. lack of communication -> lack of emotion.
there's a lack of understanding. when you are unable to accept someone's feelings, you are unable to fully undestand him/her. of course, we all know these talks (mostly a little drunk) where we are sitting there with a good friend talking about virtually everything (except for the things that really matter... did i say that already?) and everybody pretends to understand exactly what the other one says. there are two important problems about this pretension. the first is that you in your present condition (alcoholized) would be unable to understand anything at all. if someone told you that the decimal system had been changed and 1+1=2 was wrong now you would probably believe that. the other problem is that your friend is alcoholized as well and does not really know what he is talking about. well, not at all. of course, you can reverse this order to make you the person telling the stories, it works the same way - sometimes even without alcohol! lack of communication -> lack of emotion -> lack of understanding -> ?
is that what our world is going to be like in a few years time? will we all end up sitting lonely in our rooms, connected by either high-tech or nothing at all waiting for our real life to begin?
mortality as home-entertainment, that can't be the future!... sorry, doc, perhaps it can.
it's good to know who you are.
it's good to know who you can count on.
it's good to know...
[this is the official end of the thursday-morning-speech. you can go to bed safely now, knowing, somewhere in your heart, that your life will turn out to be an amazing journey, an adventure of heights and lows, of days of overwhelming happiness and days of endless desperation. you then will wake up with a smile on your face and the knowledge that everything can't be that bad when you're alive. alive. the rest shall be told when we are reborn and we are both cats.]
charon
the skies are changing... the dream is neverending... vanilla skies...
this is one of these lack of-days. you know that your life is quite okay, that your fate (if something like fate exists at all) is not that bad, that you are not living in a country in which you have to be afraid all day long that someone might just kill or injure you, just like that. you live in a nice house, you don't starve too much and you don't want it to feel selfish or ignorant but you miss something. that's the way i feel at the moment.
there's a lack of communication. people obviously just stopped talking to each other. it's not like they stopped talking at all. people just go on chatting about everything and everyone without caring for the important things. nobody tells you the truth when you ask how your new haircut is looking. almost everyone is going to tell you that it looks perfect and fits amazingly to your personality (although behind your back they already began talking before you even attended the haircutter). nobody will really tell you about the crush he/she has always had on you. they will not even tell their best friends about it and just go on dreaming about you just like that. without any sense. i mean, suspense is a great thing but do we have to go that far? of course, the sitting there late at night waiting for the call is a part of it, an important and a nessecary part but... why does it have to go on forever? and it does not remain at the 'love'-thing. how many people have lost their best friends just because of an impossible sequence of impossibly stupid events that nobody dared to talk about?
there's a lack of emotion. people just stopped feeling anything for each other. it's not my present situation that makes me say that. it's not only love i'm talking about. it's also something like empathy. perhaps i'm going a little too far but i suppose that most people can realize when someone is sad, unhappy or deeply desperate but they just do not want to notice. they just don't want to care. they have enough trouble with their own problems and are unable to cope with yours, too. lack of communication -> lack of emotion.
there's a lack of understanding. when you are unable to accept someone's feelings, you are unable to fully undestand him/her. of course, we all know these talks (mostly a little drunk) where we are sitting there with a good friend talking about virtually everything (except for the things that really matter... did i say that already?) and everybody pretends to understand exactly what the other one says. there are two important problems about this pretension. the first is that you in your present condition (alcoholized) would be unable to understand anything at all. if someone told you that the decimal system had been changed and 1+1=2 was wrong now you would probably believe that. the other problem is that your friend is alcoholized as well and does not really know what he is talking about. well, not at all. of course, you can reverse this order to make you the person telling the stories, it works the same way - sometimes even without alcohol! lack of communication -> lack of emotion -> lack of understanding -> ?
is that what our world is going to be like in a few years time? will we all end up sitting lonely in our rooms, connected by either high-tech or nothing at all waiting for our real life to begin?
mortality as home-entertainment, that can't be the future!... sorry, doc, perhaps it can.
it's good to know who you are.
it's good to know who you can count on.
it's good to know...
[this is the official end of the thursday-morning-speech. you can go to bed safely now, knowing, somewhere in your heart, that your life will turn out to be an amazing journey, an adventure of heights and lows, of days of overwhelming happiness and days of endless desperation. you then will wake up with a smile on your face and the knowledge that everything can't be that bad when you're alive. alive. the rest shall be told when we are reborn and we are both cats.]
charon
the skies are changing... the dream is neverending... vanilla skies...